Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i was born a porn star she said
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm having to shit out rocks
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