How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
