Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
