I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
