Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
