but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
