i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
