Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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