I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
