My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
