i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
