Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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