Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
there is glitter all over my balls
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
do nipples grow back?
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