She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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