omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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