apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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