When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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