no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Randomize
