I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
