Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
