Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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