well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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