Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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