Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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