its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
