She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
