i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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