Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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