no, he came in my armpit
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
