Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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