the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
