if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
