What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
