i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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