Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
