Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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