Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
