what day is it and did you see me today?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
