Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
