She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We got so high we made milksteak
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
