WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
