I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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