Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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