Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
