At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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