ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
