a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
