What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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