He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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