To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
