nut hugger
You work out of a Hotel?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
