Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize