Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
