This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
