Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
